LEBEOUF DOESN'T HAVE PUBES YET

“I’ve said this before, women are a vice to me." - Shia LeBeouf Dude. Shut. The Fuck. Up. What an asshole...even at age 23 you still can't say things like this... because I pulled your card when you were 21 and talking like this. I remember an interview I read and he was saying how he is flawed and has vices and trying way too hard to color himself as some Byronic hero (WHOA, ENGLISH MAJOR ALERT!!!) You are 'Even Stephens' from the Disney Channel, you gotta have pubic hair before you can have vices. I don't care if you got into a gruesome accident and injured yourself (probably on propose) and think that gives you street cred. Chicks dig scars, not guys who can't handle their ride. A vice is a subtle, hidden, personal fault. Not something you declare to the world. And as far as women being a vice, it's called hormones you fuckhead. I walked around with a 24-hour erection when I hit puberty too, it didn't mean I had a vice it just meant I wanted to have sex with EVERYTHING so my boner would go away. Still workin on that, too. I just think this kid talks like such a hotshot, like he's predicting he'll be a legend of Hollywood stardom. The time has come and gone for that, you were already on the Disney Channel.

The only shot at redemption you had was your mugshot. If you get arrested for something cool and then get a good mugshot, you can maaaybe turn yourself into an icon. But look at that picture above, he looks like a Spring Breaker who got arrested for slipping some girl a Mickey--he's probably wearing flip-flops too. If you want to talk about the best celebrity mugshots of all time, the list begins and ends with Frank Sinatra's:

Are you shitting me? Look at that mugshot!! You could have GQ's best photo crew in the world work on LaBeouf and they couldn't make him look like Sinatra here. And do you know what Frank was arrested for? "seduction and adultery" Now THAT is a vice, LeBeouf.