Alright so I know that every time someone logs on to read this blog, they have been waiting for this post. Everybodys gotta know, What does son of fuzzy blogspot.com think should be done in the Middle East... Now, I'm not gonna sugar coat it. As of now, Looks like the Middle East is headed to hell in a Honda. I've never been there but I watch the movies, the TV shows, and I read many, many scholarly journals. Everyone seems to agree that its a fucked up zone. But I have some plans for peace...stay with me...
My first plan is for our future president, Arnold Schwarzenegger to go over on one last solo mission. I know he's retired from action, but when has he not come through for us when we needed him? Dutch is Clutch. If you thought the Middle East was getting fucked up now, just Wait til Arnie gets over there because then it's all over. All he needs is a belt-fed machine gun, a cigar, and a few buckets of tanning oil. And if he really starts giving out about how he's "retired" and only does politics, all we need to do is make it look like someone in the Middle East kidnapped his child and he'll go ballistic. One hour and forty-five minutes later; problem solved. I can see the last scene now:
Arnold on a camel with his rescued child on one shoulder and a small Arabic boy who helped him along the way on the other shoulder. The three are riding away from a massive explosion that killed every member of Al Quaeda. Then the hot, busty Arabic lady says, "Arnold! Look!" and out of the explosion flies a huge treasure chest full of Kuwaiti bullion. It's a fortune, enough to pay off the U.S. debt and let everyone live happily ever after...Arnold looks at the small Arabic boy and quips, "Now THAT'S a Profit, Muhammed!" BOOM! Feel-good-action theme song, roll credits.
Now since some people aren't going to like the Arnold plan, because it's structured around violence and it may be slightly unrealistic, I have a passive-aggressive plan as well.
First, As much as I'd like to simplify things and just say that the Middle East is full of crazed people whose brains have melted because they wrap towels around their heads in 110 degree heat, I really believe they are just fighting for their rights. They got a bunch of foreign entities, companies and forces trying to rape their land of its most valuable resource. So they do what any young male would, they start fucking shit up and acting savage. I mean, If the Red Sox win a World Series, throngs of Boston's young males start burning shit down and flipping cars and throwing shoes. Testosterone is a hell of a hormone.
What my plan focuses on is the fact that Muslims are just too preoccupied with politics, Have you ever talked to a Middle Easterner? ALL they talk about is politics, to the point where it's like, OK I get it. You pay care about the world around you and I don't. But it's excessive. "Hey Achmed, how's your car running?" "This car? Want to know the car, how it runs?? This car runs on the blood of my people, little ones killed by the infedels missino of greed and lust..." "Aright, Achmed. gotcha"
So my plan is to just distract them with loads of entertainment. Kind of like how most Americans probably couldn't name their state Senators and Reps because we're too busy reading about Kendra's sex tape and whether or not Heidi is getting too much plastic surgery (admit it, it is sad that EVERYONE knows who I'm talkinga bout). The Middle East needs the following things right away: Movies, Video games, Pornography, TV, Online gambling, and pornography. Then they need to all be brainwashed, like from Clockwork Orange. Just sit every male in front of a computer screen with some porn, online poker, and the first season of "Lost" cascaded across the screen. Then let him play Modern Warfare 2. Problem solved. Do you think anyone is gonna blow themselves up before they find out whats in The Hatch?
Just mail the Nobel Peace Prize to my house, I can't make the ceremony...I'll be too busy watching porn and playing Snood that day.
Accordingly I went to one who had the reputation of wisdom, and observed to him -- his name I need not mention; he was a politician whom I selected for examination -- and the result was as follows: When I began to talk with him, I could not help thinking that he was not really wise, although he was thought wise by many, and wiser still by himself; and I went and tried to explain to him that he thought himself wise, but was not really wise; and the consequence was that he hated me, and his enmity was shared by several who were present and heard me. So I left him, saying to myself, as I went away: Well, although I do not suppose that either of us knows anything really beautiful and good, I am better off than he is -- for he knows nothing, and thinks that he knows. I neither know nor think that I know. In this latter particular, then, I seem to have slightly the advantage of him.
Alright so I know that every time someone logs on to read this blog, they have been waiting for this post. Everybodys gotta know, What does son of fuzzy blogspot.com think should be done in the Middle East... Now, I'm not gonna sugar coat it. As of now, Looks like the Middle East is headed to hell in a Honda. I've never been there but I watch the movies, the TV shows, and I read many, many scholarly journals. Everyone seems to agree that its a fucked up zone. But I have some plans for peace...stay with me...
My first plan is for our future president,
Arnold Schwarzenegger to go over on one last solo mission. I know he's retired from action, but when has he not come through for us when we needed him? Dutch is Clutch. If you thought the Middle East was getting fucked up now, just Wait til Arnie gets over there because then it's all over. All he needs is a belt-fed machine gun, a cigar, and a few buckets of tanning oil. And if he really starts giving out about how he's "retired" and only does politics, all we need to do is make it look like someone in the Middle East kidnapped his child and he'll go ballistic. One hour and forty-five minutes later; problem solved. I can see the last scene now:
Arnold on a camel with his rescued child on one shoulder and a small Arabic boy who helped him along the way on the other shoulder. The three are riding away from a massive explosion that killed every member of Al Quaeda. Then the hot, busty Arabic lady says, "Arnold! Look!" and out of the explosion flies a huge treasure chest full of Kuwaiti bullion. It's a fortune, enough to pay off the U.S. debt and let everyone live happily ever after...Arnold looks at the small Arabic boy and quips, "Now THAT'S a Profit, Muhammed!" BOOM! Feel-good-action theme song, roll credits.
Now since some people aren't going to like the Arnold plan, because it's structured around violence and it may be slightly unrealistic, I have a passive-aggressive plan as well.
First, As much as I'd like to simplify things and just say that the Middle East is full of crazed people whose brains have melted because they wrap towels around their heads in 110 degree heat, I really believe they are just fighting for their rights. They got a bunch of foreign entities, companies and forces trying to rape their land of its most valuable resource. So they do what any young male would, they start fucking shit up and acting savage. I mean, If the Red Sox win a World Series, throngs of Boston's young males start burning shit down and flipping cars and throwing shoes. Testosterone is a hell of a hormone.
What my plan focuses on is the fact that Muslims are just too preoccupied with politics, Have you ever talked to a Middle Easterner? ALL they talk about is politics, to the point where it's like, OK I get it. You pay care about the world around you and I don't. But it's excessive. "Hey Achmed, how's your car running?" "This car? Want to know the car, how it runs?? This car runs on the blood of my people, little ones killed by the infedels missino of greed and lust..." "Aright, Achmed. gotcha"
So my plan is to just distract them with loads of entertainment. Kind of like how most Americans probably couldn't name their state Senators and Reps because we're too busy reading about Kendra's sex tape and whether or not Heidi is getting too much plastic surgery (admit it, it is sad that EVERYONE knows who I'm talkinga bout). The Middle East needs the following things right away: Movies, Video games, Pornography, TV, Online gambling, and pornography. Then they need to all be brainwashed, like from Clockwork Orange. Just sit every male in front of a computer screen with some porn, online poker, and the first season of "Lost" cascaded across the screen. Then let him play Modern Warfare 2. Problem solved. Do you think anyone is gonna blow themselves up before they find out whats in The Hatch?
Just mail the Nobel Peace Prize to my house, I can't make the ceremony...I'll be too busy watching porn and playing Snood that day.
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