FOLLOW THE FUZZ

Monday, February 22, 2010

THE IMPLOSION OF PRIVACY

Over the past decade, or nearly all of it, I recall many conversations that began with a person complaining, “The PATRIOT Act has destroyed our Bill of Rights!” I would inquire, “How?” “It invades my privacy, man!” “Do you have anything to hide?” “No. But my business is mine not just for anyone to see!” “What are you doing on your laptop computer?” “Updating my status on Facebook.com so everyone who looks at my profile knows exactly what I’m doing at this very second… What were we talking about?” “Oh, how the PATRIOT Act lets the government know exactly what you’re doing at this very second.” “Right, man! That is total bullshit, man!” I could rest my case but I like confrontation. This starkest of contrasts is better than when the person in line ahead of me at Starbucks seethed over surging gas prices and then paid the equivalent of a gallon of gasoline for a Mint Mocha Chip Frappaccino blended coffee with Chocolate Whipped Cream. In the wake of September 11, 2001, The Bush Administration passed the USA PATRIOT Act written, mostly, by Viet Dinh. The name of the Act is an acronym which fully reads “Uniting and Strengthening America by Providing Appropriate Tools Required to Intercept and Obstruct Terrorism Act of 2001.” Obvious. Its aim was to provide appropriate tools required to intercept and obstruct terrorism. Again, obvious. So if the aim of this Act was to prevent terrorism then why would any American complain? Well, many Americans, 67% according to a 2003 Gallup Poll, said “the government should not take steps to prevent terrorism if those step[s] would violate their basic civil liberties.” It was a common point of fear that the newly instated PATRIOT Act would allow the U.S. government to abuse powers that would make Big Brother drool. I vividly remember the conversations during which friends exclaimed this was the first step to having virtually no privacy except the thoughts inside your mind. The government could read transcripts of your comments to friends or examine surveillance pictures taken of you without your knowledge. I mean, They could even look at what books you read! Then in 2004 a new website named Facebook.com was created and launched by Mark Zuckerberg that would popularize a little something called ‘social-networking’. Social networking is a vital practice, even a science for some sociologists who claimed that through the network theory societies could be improved. Problems solved faster, organizations tighter, alliances more efficient, even on a national level. Now social networking, thanks to the likes of Facebook.com and MySpace.com, is a term that is related to websites that allow users to browse through the very intimate profiles of millions of people. According to a recent estimate from PCMag.com, there were 70 million Americans on Facebook.com and 70 million Americans on MySpace.com. These numbers are staggering. They are not a majority of the population but they may be one day as the numbers are continuously growing. So what does a profile consist of? It is a page where your comments to and from friends are visible for all to see and where pictures of you can be posted by anyone and viewed by anyone. Oh, and they even ask you to list your favorite books. Sound familiar? While proponents of the sites may say that all this is readily avoidable by taking measures of privacy like blocking your page to strangers there are bountiful examples of these sites harming unsuspecting people personally, professionally and even financially. Just ask Grant Raphael who had to pay $43,700 to a former colleague after the High Court in London ruled he had invaded the privacy of and defamed the victim. The victim had no involvement with that page and yet Raphael personally injured him with it. Just as in the recent case of a school aged boy whose mother would not allow him to create a Facebook page. But some bullies at school created one for him and posted derogatory remarks for him and permanently scarred his school boy experience. The examples are endless. These social networking sites are places where we can frequently see the picture of a college girl who had too much to drink and flashed her civil liberties at someone with a camera who then posted the picture on their page. Anyone in the world can see that picture, at least until the college girl sees it and pleads the poster to take it down. But I right-clicked + saved it. We all did. So besides giving us great background images for our desktops, these websites do have their upsides. For businesses, musicians, actors, stand up comics and politicians the outreach to the population is enormous. But what does that outreach also mean? It represents the ease of exposure that every user faces. A catch-twenty-two of world wide proportions. In light of this new developing online trend the United States Government could consider repealing the PATRIOT Act of 2001 and just opening up a Facebook.com account! There would be a new government branch named the Ministry of Social Networking that would put posters all around that had the infamous picture of Uncle Sam who now “WANTS YOU--TO ACCEPT HIS FRIEND REQUEST!” And you know the new friend request from some guy holding his shirt over his face and flexing his muscles? That is the United States military. Now, I am not trying to incite a moral panic with this article, I am simply trying to illuminate some worrying contradictions I see in the public’s infatuation with letting the entire world wide web know anything about them. If I was trying to incite a moral panic, which I am not, I would, perhaps, maybe, possibly suggest that the timing of Facebook.com’s launch is a little peculiar. In 2003 the majority of Americans did not want the government to be able to know anything about them. The PATRIOT Act was catching heat. And then, in 2004, a website is launched that profiles every American down to the books they read? It is not an invasion of privacy, it is an implosion of privacy. Mark Zuckerberg even sounds like a fake name. But I’m just saying… As for now, I guess the only way to protect your civil liberties is to make your profile private and block it from the public domain’s view. And DO NOT accept random friend requests. Because you know that creepy old guy who keeps poking you? That’s the American Government.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

TIGER WOODS Y'ALL!

In the 15 minute long video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xs8nseNP4s0) Tiger Woods barely says anything note worthy. Tiger, I haven't been waiting months for you to try to cry and apologize. I want details, man. Gratuitous. Details. Like who, where, when, how were the greens, stuff like that. Don’t go on TV and cry about it because it is obvious you have no sense of morals whatsoever. You got a wife and kids and you’re out raw dogging it with literally SO many women it is hard to think of a clever and specific joking reference? But I guess the apology is more for his sponsors and all the people and corporations that profited off of Tiger, well except for Trojan Condoms. And what is more confounding about this scandal is the amount of attention this situation has gotten. If I was black or oriental or, most conveniently half of each, I would accuse that some prejudice was going on here. Because everything Tiger has done, all the women and drugs (Ambien counts) is like Charlie Sheehan’s daily routine before breakfast. Yet Charlie stars on a sitcom and never has to say sorry.

MITT ROMNEY LAUNCHES PRE-EMPTIVE STRIKE

What is happening? First a 67 year old guy beats down a younger ex-con on a bus and now Mitt Romney bitch slaps a rapper on a plane? Is this some kind of Twilight Zone episode? How did these old guys get super powers that they're using on all forms of public transportation? But actually, I think that this rapper might be smarter than he looks (not very hard). What I'm saying is that if I am a no talent ass clown rapper and a high profile former Presidential candidate sits behind me, I'm going to provoke the shit out of him until he grabs me and then I'm gonna go flailing at him screaming assault. The only bad press is no press. Except for maybe press about getting your ass kicked by an old guy. That's bad press too, I guess. Oh, and Sky Blu: You just lost all your street cred. Thank You for flying.

Monday, February 8, 2010

BUY, SELL! BUY, SELL! BUY, SELL! FUNNY MONEY, BOO-BAH!

(Investorwords.com) The Super Bowl Indicator is defined as the “Theory that suggests that the winner of the super bowl predicts the performance of the stock market for the rest of the year. The theory believes that if the winning team is from the AFC division, the stock market will decline, but if the team is from the NFC division, the stock market will advance. Although this is just a superstition, the theory has been accurate about 80% of the time. And is anyone actually wondering why our economy is in the shitter? It is because apparantly some kind of crossbreed of degenerate gambler and coc-head Wall Street suit are writing the books on how to play the stock market. But I guess the good thing is that the NFC Saints won last night which means the stock market will advance in 2010. As if rooting against Peyton Manning wasn't the right thing to do anyway, this time around the fate of our economy rested in the balance...80% of the time.

AVATAR DEPRESSION SYNDROME

(CNN) -- James Cameron's completely immersive spectacle "Avatar" may have been a little too real for some fans who say they have experienced depression and suicidal thoughts after seeing the film because they long to enjoy the beauty of the alien world Pandora. A user named Mike wrote on the fan Web site "Naviblue" that he contemplated suicide after seeing the movie. "Ever since I went to see 'Avatar' I have been depressed. Watching the wonderful world of Pandora and all the Na'vi made me want to be one of them. I can't stop thinking about all the things that happened in the film and all of the tears and shivers I got from it," Mike posted. "I even contemplate suicide thinking that if I do it I will be rebirthed in a world similar to Pandora and then everything is the same as in 'Avatar.' “ I knew the 3D glasses were a bad idea! I tried to tell Jimmy, if you put people into this world, man, you will never get them out again! But seriously (because I've never talked to James Cameron) this situation is very unique. On the one hand, there's the part of me that knows where these people are coming from. I've always felt that movies do have that power to draw its audience in to a point where you really want to emulate what you are watching. Like after watching a movie about football, like Invincible, I wanted to go play football. After I finished watching Rambo I just sprinted out into the woods yelling. And after watching a porno, I wash up. Then on the other hand, you just want to call these people whack jobs. Reincarnation, Mike? Really? And besides, the logistical nightmares that would come from being ten feet tall would be unbearable. I’m 6’4” and I feel like I could make a solid reality TV show called Big Person Little World about my daily difficulties. So how about you stop crying, turn off the Eiffel 65 and go for a walk. Life is beautiful. Fortunately for these folks, there are some suggestions given: Within the fan community, suggestions for battling feelings of depression after seeing the movie include things like playing "Avatar" video games or downloading the movie soundtrack, in addition to encouraging members to relate to other people outside the virtual realm and to seek out positive and constructive activities Unfortunately, it sounds like these suggestions are shameless self promotion by the makers of everything Avatar. But if Avatar video games and soundtracks don’t do it for you then I know this kid with some quality LSD. Because I’d say if you’re contemplating suicide because your shit can’t be blue, then a strong acid habit might be your only lifeline. And on my other hand -- my third hand -- I am really hoping this catches on and people start getting plastic surgery and augmenting their skin pigment. Because I’m really dreading that I’m going to end up in a cubicle after college and it would really make my work week easier to get through if this guy stuck his head over the partition and asked if I wanted to get lunch from Subway or Quizno’s: “Sooo, Quizno’s? --- What are you staring at? It’s because I’m blue isn’t it? You’d understand if you had the 3D glasses. Fuck you man”

Sunday, February 7, 2010

SPORTSCENTER, KNOW YOUR ROLE

Sportscenter has brought us many wonderful things. The Top Ten plays list, some of TV’s funniest commercials and nationally syndicated mascot racing. This is all very entertaining. And, so, because the Sportscenter channel brings so much joy to us, it is hard to try and tell it that it's doing something wrong. But I have to: Sportscenter, you have to stop reporting on actual news stories. And it's not because any of your reporters lack the fortitude or panache -- it’s because you simply do not have a smooth transition into and out of certain subjects. One must know their limitations. This was brought to my attention when, in the wake of Haiti’s recent tragedy, Sportscenter did a short segment showing the devastation that the Haitian people are dealing with. Buildings turned to rubble, city streets with surface fault lines and the heart wrenching images of the actual Human Beings. Then when the segment ended Sportscenter returned right back to their usual self. It was something like this: “…we all feel a deep sorrow for the nation of Haiti. Donations can be made to the number on the bottom of your screen. Every bit helps in this tragic, tragic time…. CUT TO: And now -- THE-TOP-TEN-MASCOT-DUNKS-OF-ALL-TIME!!! The cigar fell out of my mouth. Didn’t anyone have the sense for a commercial break, at least! It’s this kind of discrepancy that leads me to state that Sportscenter should stay away from taking a serious tone and covering actual news events because they must, inevitably, return to covering sports. Sportscenter, you take care of the entertainment and leave the informing up to the professionals like Glenn Beck and Jon Stewart. But I think that sensitivity is just not in the conscience of sports networks. Have you ever noticed how many erectile dysfunction commercials are on during sporting events? Not only is it a serious buzz kill to a room full of guys, but don’t those programmers understand that the only reason a lot of those guys sit around and watch sports all day is because they can’t get it up anymore? Do you really have to remind them every commercial break? It’s a vicious cycle. * IMPORTANT POST SCRIPT: A very quick and efficient way to donate money to the Haiti relief effort, if you have not already, is to text “Haiti” to 90999. You will get a text message right back (at least I got one instantly) to reply again with a “YES” to confirm your donation. The money will be added to your next bill. Check out the following page to verify that 100% of your donation will go to support the Haiti relief effort. ( http://mgive.com/help/Haiti.aspx )

DOES MILEY CYRUS THINK WE'RE ALL IDIOTS?

Miley's "Party In The U.S.A." was one of the biggest hits of 2009. I remember when I first saw the video and I just sat on the end of my bed glued to the television set. (And, No, not because of Miley. Despite how she's marketed as a sex icon she is like 14, but more importantly, she looks waaay too much like Billy Ray) No, I watched because the song is great, upbeat, and the video looks like so much fun I REALLY wish that I was there. Everyone is jamming, there's Asian twins, dudes just running around doing random back flips off trucks. Probably better I'm not really there, though, because I'd get too excited and I'd try a back flip and break myself and ambulances would have to come... But then something caught my eye... and I felt offended. Has anyone noticed that part of Miley's big party in the U.S.A.: looks VERY similar to Thunderdome: (and yes, Tina Turner wears it better) Miley, do you think we're all morons? You think we wouldn't notice this prominent error? Because, and I am NOT mistaken, Thunderdome is in post-apocalyptic AUSTRALIA, mate! So you are trying to tell me that part of your party in the United States of America takes place in Australia? Or are you being a Diva who thinks geography doesn‘t apply to you? "Mad" Max Rockatansky would be pissed. The Mad Max trilogy put Australia on the map! Possibly what offended me most was the nonchalant responses from some Americans who I tried to talk to about this. They said things like, “Who gives a ****!?” and "Get away from me, do I know you?”. Now this is what I mean by Americans being the “most entertained and least informed”. Does anyone pay attention to the junk you’re injecting into your brains? Take Lady Gaga’s “Just Dance” as an example. WTF? That song is about a girl being date raped and it topped the Billboard charts. You might think I’m wrong but I am not. Because while everyone was busy going gaga over this song I did a little something called "listening". Read these lyrics: “I've had a little bit too much, All of the people start to rush., Start to rush by. A dizzy twister dance, Can't find my drink or man., Where are my keys, I lost my phone., What's going on on the floor? I love this record baby, but I can't see straight anymore. Keep it cool what's the name of this club? I can't remember but it's alright, alright. Just dance. Gonna be okay. Da-doo-doo-doo Just dance. Spin that record babe. Da-doo-doo-doo And just for the skeptics, let me take you to verse two: “How'd I turn my shirt inside out?” This line seals it, she’s putting her clothes *back on* and yet, just a moment earlier in verse one, she is clearly inebriated and possibly feeling the effects of some flunitrazepam -- or whatever those guys use….

Friday, February 5, 2010

STATE OF THE NATION

ALRIGHT! FIRST POST! Let's get pumped up! -- settle down now... With this temporary blog I hope to excite you, incite you and dynamite you! All figuratively speaking of course. This is my first orbit around the blogosphere so it will take some time for me to learn the ropes. But once I do, watch out. Look forward in these following few days to posts about Obama, Lady Gaga, and a little Americana.