ONLINE PORN IS WORTH MORE THAN SOME SMALL COUNTRIES
8-point-6 BILLION Dollars was how much online-porn earned in 2006 - that's alotta clams! Pun obviously intended, per-usual with edited text. But at least now I can rest assured that I'm not the only one who watches online porn all day. I can finally admit that I can't check my e-mail without ending up with my pants around my ankles. But now this is just proof that computers are basically used primarily for porn.
But it kind of all makes sense when you look at it. Think about it; who invented computers? Nerds. As Goober said, “all we think about is sex” I bet when a bunch of people started using computers and went up to Bill Gates and were like “Whoa man, this computer thing is awesome, it can calculate numbers, serve as a virtual typewriter, let me play Mortal Kombat with a friend in Vietnam!" Gate was probably like, “It does what? You know you can watch porn on it, right?”
The number is still staggering though, 8.6 billion dollars? I don't even pay for it! I'm all over the 45 second free-previews. So there's enough people out there, not including free-loaders (I'm just firing off the double entendres today!), who actually subscribe to websites and pay for videos? That's insane. That means that the 8.6 billion indicates only a fraction of people who watch it.
In a way it makes me sad, I remember the good old days when online porn was for people who had a passion. For the simple, primitive love of whacking off. That dangerous feeling…secret rendezvous… Now it’s all about the business, it's all about money.
And speaking of business, Nielsen Online calculated that a quarter of all people in office jobs end up looking at porn during business hours. Example: the guys over at BP who are being accused of looking at porn on the job and being distracted until this oil-spill disaster struck. Funny how NOW the whole world is watching a web cam’s live feed of THEIR pipe spewing loads. Full-circle-of-life-kind of shit…does anyone else have goosebumps?
I read this on some site: “The sum of international revenues from pornographic videos, sexual novelties, magazines, "dance" clubs, pay-per-view and Internet was approximately $97 billion - bigger than the NBA, NFL and MBL combined. If you compare porn revenues to Gross Domestic Product, the market value of all final goods and services from a nation in a given year, it is bigger than Morocco”
Porn's Gross Domestic Product is bigger than Morocco's, which isn't too impressive because some porn actors are bigger than Morocco. But that is really saying something in relation to other forms of entertainment, just think of the amount of merchandise that sports leagues put out there to make their revenue. It's not like there's porn-jerseys and Fat-Head wall stickers.
And what kills me is that The Internet, despite porn's obvious prevalance, still kind of tries to hide porn like a dirty secret. The gig is up, everybody knows! Like when you try to look for online porn on Google, Google acts like it has never heard of porn before. Like they're the guys who work in head shops that you go to to buy a glass pipe and he has to act confused at first to make sure you're not a narc. Go to google.com and type in "online p" in the search bar. Then Google tries to finish your search query for you and is all like "What are you looking for? Online piano? Online poker? photo shop? puzzles, pregnancy test, pokemon? Whaddya want kid?" Then you type in "online porn" hit 'enter' and all of the sudden Google is like "OHHHH, yeah well why didn't you say so?” They flip a switch and all this porn drops down behind them, music starts playing and they start doing little creepy dance moves behind the counter:
"Online Porn? Here's a couple billion hits. You want it, I got it: youporn, pornhub, redtube, spankwire. fuckmonkeys. zoogasm. the erik prydz "call on me" video."
Google is a creep.
Accordingly I went to one who had the reputation of wisdom, and observed to him -- his name I need not mention; he was a politician whom I selected for examination -- and the result was as follows: When I began to talk with him, I could not help thinking that he was not really wise, although he was thought wise by many, and wiser still by himself; and I went and tried to explain to him that he thought himself wise, but was not really wise; and the consequence was that he hated me, and his enmity was shared by several who were present and heard me. So I left him, saying to myself, as I went away: Well, although I do not suppose that either of us knows anything really beautiful and good, I am better off than he is -- for he knows nothing, and thinks that he knows. I neither know nor think that I know. In this latter particular, then, I seem to have slightly the advantage of him.
8-point-6 BILLION Dollars was how much online-porn earned in 2006 - that's alotta clams! Pun obviously intended, per-usual with edited text. But at least now I can rest assured that I'm not the only one who watches online porn all day. I can finally admit that I can't check my e-mail without ending up with my pants around my ankles. But now this is just proof that computers are basically used primarily for porn.
But it kind of all makes sense when you look at it. Think about it; who invented computers? Nerds. As Goober said, “all we think about is sex” I bet when a bunch of people started using computers and went up to Bill Gates and were like “Whoa man, this computer thing is awesome, it can calculate numbers, serve as a virtual typewriter, let me play Mortal Kombat with a friend in Vietnam!" Gate was probably like, “It does what? You know you can watch porn on it, right?”
The number is still staggering though, 8.6 billion dollars? I don't even pay for it! I'm all over the 45 second free-previews. So there's enough people out there, not including free-loaders (I'm just firing off the double entendres today!), who actually subscribe to websites and pay for videos? That's insane. That means that the 8.6 billion indicates only a fraction of people who watch it.
In a way it makes me sad, I remember the good old days when online porn was for people who had a passion. For the simple, primitive love of whacking off. That dangerous feeling…secret rendezvous… Now it’s all about the business, it's all about money.
And speaking of business, Nielsen Online calculated that a quarter of all people in office jobs end up looking at porn during business hours. Example: the guys over at BP who are being accused of looking at porn on the job and being distracted until this oil-spill disaster struck. Funny how NOW the whole world is watching a web cam’s live feed of THEIR pipe spewing loads. Full-circle-of-life-kind of shit…does anyone else have goosebumps?
I read this on some site: “The sum of international revenues from pornographic videos, sexual novelties, magazines, "dance" clubs, pay-per-view and Internet was approximately $97 billion - bigger than the NBA, NFL and MBL combined. If you compare porn revenues to Gross Domestic Product, the market value of all final goods and services from a nation in a given year, it is bigger than Morocco”
Porn's Gross Domestic Product is bigger than Morocco's, which isn't too impressive because some porn actors are bigger than Morocco. But that is really saying something in relation to other forms of entertainment, just think of the amount of merchandise that sports leagues put out there to make their revenue. It's not like there's porn-jerseys and Fat-Head wall stickers.
And what kills me is that The Internet, despite porn's obvious prevalance, still kind of tries to hide porn like a dirty secret. The gig is up, everybody knows! Like when you try to look for online porn on Google, Google acts like it has never heard of porn before. Like they're the guys who work in head shops that you go to to buy a glass pipe and he has to act confused at first to make sure you're not a narc. Go to google.com and type in "online p" in the search bar. Then Google tries to finish your search query for you and is all like "What are you looking for? Online piano? Online poker? photo shop? puzzles, pregnancy test, pokemon? Whaddya want kid?" Then you type in "online porn" hit 'enter' and all of the sudden Google is like "OHHHH, yeah well why didn't you say so?” They flip a switch and all this porn drops down behind them, music starts playing and they start doing little creepy dance moves behind the counter:
"Online Porn? Here's a couple billion hits. You want it, I got it: youporn, pornhub, redtube, spankwire. fuckmonkeys. zoogasm. the erik prydz "call on me" video."
Google is a creep.
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