THE FOOD REVIEWER

This is a future star. The Food Reviewer has been posting for a while now (while writing this up I actually learned he was just featured on Tosh.  Fucking Tosh and his v-necks get to every video first) but isn't even close to his potential.

 Here's the dope: He turns the webcam on, intros a snack item like fruit gushers, cheez-its or ring dings, he takes a bite, then he has what appears to be extensive inner-dialogue (the review), then he continues eating and finally he giggles and says something fat. I'm a fan.  These videos are laugh-until-I-cried funny.  And semi-semi-informative




And I know what everyone is thinking, "He's fat, what DOESN'T he like?" Well guess what:



I just scratched cheez-its off my shopping list.  If I ran cheez-its, I'd be doing some serious R&D to try and win back the Food Reviewer.

This video also gives insight to how he got so fat, his stomach appears to have it's own arm which pops up at the :32 second marker and growls as it feeds itself.


Maybe one of my favorites is the Ring Ding review.  This particular review just has so much depth and really shows off not only his writing skills (the phone reference during a RING-ding review.  Classic.) and his on-the-spot wherewithal like when the creme filling hits him outta left field.  He's so overwhelmed but at the same time maintains composure and continues the review.  But it also shows his enthusiasm.  When he says "I haven't had these in a LOONG time"...he sounds like a prisoner talking about sex with a woman.   I love it.  The consummate professional. Actually, he does call it a Yodel and halfway through eating realizes his mistake. If it wasn't for that, this review would be a definite Buy.




I'm expecting big things out of him.  Especially considering his poor diet.  His newer videos show him hitting puberty which is pretty scary.  But I think I will continue to subscribe.  I'm even trying to think of a food to send him to review.  Any ideas?  I was thinking about maybe like Now & Laters or those Skittles that change flavors halfway through eating them.  I think those would blow his mind.  Any ideas out there Internet?